The transition that nobody talks about

As a mother, you face many transitions alongside your children. Their transitions are not just theirs, but they are also yours. When your children move through different stages of their lives, there is change that impacts you as a mother as well as them as individuals. New routines to adjust to, new people to meet and establish relationships with, different roles to play, different systems to learn.

So much of my life as an autistic mum has been spent specifically preparing for, and moving through, change. As an autistic person, familiarity and consistency is what I thrive on, and change is the force that has the ability to knock me over. Like a current that shifts me from where I'm comfortably positioned, and from where life is predictable, change is the ever present threat.

I have discovered over the years that to survive change, preparation and understanding of what is to come is what helps get me through. But as an autistic adult, I wonder does that understanding of need for support exist outside of my own head? There is often attention given to young autistic people's need for support through change, but I've found, in my experience, that the needs of autistic mums and dads can be overlooked. I'm not sure if it's because people forget that we're autistic and may need transition support, or if it's just something that as adults we tend not to talk about. Either way, though, I now find myself smack bang in the middle of a transition that I really wasn't prepared for, and that is proving to be different to all others I have faced as a mother.

When your kids become adults. Who would think such a simple statement could in reality be hiding such a complex transition. And it's a transition that nobody seems to talk about in relation to autistic parenting.

So, I've been picking my way through the layers of change that seem to envelope this life stage. I've worked out that it's not a transition that can be defined by a timeframe, nor by a child's age. Nor is it one that has a path that is straight and clear. My starting point has been to try and define who I have been as a mother up to this moment. And I'll take things from here. I know there'll be redefining, adjusting, learning new systems, and establishing relationships of the kind that I've never delved into before. And I'm summoning the courage to keep moving along the path. Putting this one in the 'too hard' basket is not an option.

Elissa x